For I know the plans I have for you. declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. — Jeremiah 29:11

After the recent sad news of the death of Robin William, the well known funny man who secretly battled depression for years I felt I needed to share this. So many people battle this illness that is some what a taboo subject. It can become a secret that entangles you and something you feel getting stronger and stronger, squeezing more and more of your life away. Depression is not something people choose to have, or want to have for that matter. It’s like some horrible uncontrollable thing that seeps into everything and every relationship you have, it eats away at every single part of your life until you’re not living at all but just surviving. What makes it worse is people often feel they have to keep it to themselves through fear of being labelled needy, unstable, unable to cope or just being generally judged.

Why am I writing about this, some may ask. Well I am writing as a person who’s walked this road and lived a life just surviving from day to day, but as someone now living a life that has been completely changed and transformed. I have known what it is like to wake up with that thick cloud over your life, the never ending cycle. My story is quite simple, after battling depression, anxiety & feelings of worthlessness for such a long time I came to the conclusion that the world would be better off without me in it, a conclusion many people come to. I honestly believed I was a mistake, I was a burden and that me leaving this world would actually be the best thing. It felt like the only way to escape the heaviness, the loneliness, the worthlessness and the darkness that plagued my life each day. However in the midst of this decision to end it all I said a simple prayer, ‘God if you’re real I need you and I need you tonight’. That was it, nothing religious, nothing eloquent, just saying it how it was. I have to tell you that within a matter of hours God revealed just how real He was/is. Those 12 simple words completely changed my life, the heaviness broke, hopelessness and suicide left. I was set free and my life, yes my life was never the same again. That night I began living and over 12 years on I am still living!

I wanted to let you know that even in the midst of utter hopelessness God can reach in and lift you out of depression. The Bible tells us in Isaiah 59:1 Listen! The Lord’s arm is not too weak to save you,nor is his ear too deaf to hear you call. So wherever you are today, however low or unreachable you feel, God can reach you! This is not written as some false promised hope but as truth and reality, though shortened for an easier read of how the cycle of depression and suicide was broke in my life. I don’t sit here writing as someone of greater importance than you. You are of great value and if God did it for me He can do it for you. You need to know that you aren’t hopeless, unreachable or alone. You need to know that you do matter, you are loved and you can be free!